Articles in reference:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quarter-life_crisis
http://www.eyeweekly.com/article/55882
http://www.cds.caltech.edu/~shane/text/quarterlifecrisis.html
So this fucked up thing that myself and my chicas are going through actually has a name! We were just wondering how come everything seems to be so screwed up at this age of mid-20s. Iks found out that it’s called Quarter-Life Crisis. Reading the articles, all the points hit the spots precisely!
This happens earlier for some people, later to some. For me, I suppose it starting hitting when I was about 24? This discovery explains everything. Why I felt what I felt. And so apparently, I’m normal! Lol. Let’s take a look at the 2 biggest parts of (my) life… Lovelife and Worklife.
Love:
It’s not that I fell out of love suddenly. 3.5 years is a long time. I was very young in mind when I started dating Calvin, and I didn’t have much priorities. Through our time together, I grew up but he didn’t grow up with me. My priorities have changed. I have changed. Though the feelings got stronger, but towards the end, he just didn’t seem to fit into the picture anymore. I imagined the future, and somehow he’s not in it. It’s painful to let go, but it was something that I had to do. Having Rays in my life now seems to be the right piece of the puzzle right now. Somehow it just fits.
Now, looking back, I question myself. Do I wish that I’ve met Rays sooner? In all honesty, I have to say, no I don’t. Even if I had met him 5 years ago, with my mentality back then, I wouldn’t have chosen someone like him. I would’ve still gone for someone like Calvin because I was that young. Now, things have changed. Right now, I wouldn’t choose someone like Calvin anymore, I would choose Rays instead. Funny huh? How things just changed within a few years due to maturity. In fact, I may have said a thousand reasons why I decided to break up with Calvin, but thinking back about it, there might not be any exact reason at all. It just simply *shrug* didn’t fit.
This is hardly a crisis anymore. Just more like a realisation of WHY I did what I did. I guess it makes sense, and I suppose I knew it all along, just that I didn’t know what it’s called lol.
Work:
When I started on my first job fresh out of graduation from fashion college, I was only 19 going on 20. Fairly young, don’t you think? I was excited and scared at the same time. My level of EQ was quite low at the time too, but I felt like YEAH I’m gonna take over the world! 2 months into the job, I wanted to resign. But I stayed due to the high counter offer. However, 4 months later I still left, cause I really hated it. The next job, about a year. The next job, just 2 weeks because it turned out to be something totally different from what I expected and it was impossible to cope. Spent 2 months jobless, desperately job hunting. Fell into miserable despression from not being able to find a fucking job. Finally landed a job, it was something totally new. Was in training before being independent. Initially enjoyed it, but realised that it was only fun because it was fresh new. Stayed for 2 years before I left yet again. Been in this job for 1.5 years now and I’m looking to get out once more. This time I’m looking to switch lines altogether.
Do you see the pattern? I can’t stay put in a job! Why is that? I used to think it’s so awesome to be a designer. But today, right now, I’m not so sure. Ok, I still like art and design, but I now realise that you should not study and work in what you like! Cause you might just end up disliking what you liked. My dad initially wanted me to continue to upper secondary and then study business in uni. But nooo, the stubborn teenager insisted on fashion design! Let’s face it, I’m not THAT creative. Nevermind that. Anyway yeah, now that I think about it, it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to study business after all >.< Too late for that now. Plus, I don’t wanna go back to school anyway. Although I must admit. Halfway through all that job-hopping, there were 2 moments where I had decided to go overseas to further pursue my studies. No I didn’t chicken out. There were financial problems and I have a younger sibling who needs to go to uni. And I was too dumb to consider that there’s such a thing called a study loan =_=”’ WTF, right? Way to go, young and stupid Jules. What makes it even stupider right now is the fact that I didn’t consider studying something ELSE when given the opportunity, cause I was still young enough to switch!
So what do I do now? Why am I here? The realisation hit me just recently. Oh shit, I’ve been working for almost 6 years now and I am still nowhere! Seriously, what do I do? I want to find out what else I can do, other than just sticking with the arts. I want to switch from designing to marketing, but how do I do that?? But then again, maybe I’m not that ambitious career-wise. Lately I’ve been thinking, what if I’m a housewife? Doesn’t sound like such a bad idea also lol. Raising kids, keeping house, cooking meals. What’s so bad about it? But then again, what woman does not have a job these days?? My generation, my qualifications, my abilities… It’s like I HAVE to build a career, one way or another.
Lol, see how indecisive I am? This is my crisis.
Posted under Thoughts & Feelings
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